The Bottled Water Thing

August 2nd, 2007

Why does bottled water cost more than tap water?

Why do millions carry bottles of water around with them as if they spend most of their day in the deserts of the Kalahari.

Is bottled water scientifically formulated to purify it of moose piss, bird droppings, and other impurities? Is the process so perfect that the water in the bottle hydrates tissues and cell structures more effectively that the water from your tap?

Smart water is the only water I know of that’s processed differently from the other selections offered in the ever expanding aisle of bottled water products at the supermarket. Smart water creates a cloud chamber. Water drips from the clouds into the smart water bottles like rain from a storm gutter only free of debris like leaves and scraps from abandoned birds nests.

But is it better for you?

Not really.

Bottled water is great if you want to spend a week in a tent in the superior national forest and don’t neccessarily want to drink from the same streams that beavers use for toilets. Bottled water is essential in the desert washes of Arizona where several of us gathered in 115 degree heat to fire 5oo dollars worth of magnum rounds into discarded engine blocks.

Barring any unusual events, such as those I just mentioned, it’s insane to walk into a store and buy bottled water. But i do it. But then again, I’m insane and I have the papers to prove it.

But the average person doesnt need the hydration of special water contained in a plastic bottle made from natural gas and petroleum products. Besides, research suggests that in the heat of the summer, some of those gases and petroleum products may leach into the water inside the plastic containers. And total up the cost of transfering this water from place to place in trucks the size of tractor trailers and you can see the costs start to add up.

If companies such as pepsi and coca cola can convince consumers that its better to carry around plain tap water in a plastic container, then the infrastructure of the municipal water supply system could crumble. Society will come to the conclusion that since bottled water has been marketed more effectively than tap water, then tap water must somehow be inferior. If that’s the case, why maintain our municipal water system when American companies appear to deliver a superior product.

The facts are; they don’t. Most of the bottled water you buy at cumbys comes from the same faucet that’s hovering over the sink in your kitchen. And ill guarantee that the only delivery systems municipal facilities will maintain are those that go directly to bottled water plants, leaving the domestic supply to the mercy of the so called free market. Eventually, the water from your tap may just dribble out, stained with rust and corrosion. Much better to go to stop and shop and get some of that “healthy” water from corporate water barons, the same water you used to be able to get at home.

I think people like bottled water because it’s easier to carry around than water in a canteen or in a plastic cup. Its got a cap on it. You can take a sip and reseal it, of course doing thats just an excuse to watch bacteria grow around the spout. Drink water from a bottle, cap it, and then the next day unscrew the cap and sniff the opening. It will smell musty and damp. Like old discarded carpeting.

Besides being easier to carry with you, bottled water can be purchased from the cooler, making it more refreshing than lukewarm tap water. But think about it. The cold water turns warm after fifteen minutes or so after it’s out of the cooler.

Go buy something that looks like a bottle and put your own water in it. Steal some extra from the water cooler and have a mid afternoon sip. But don’t be a sucker like I’ve been, or other Americans. The average bottled water purchaser spends about $1,400.00 a year buying bottled water when they could have had a year’s supply from a perfectly healthy draft of municipally inspected water for just 49 cents a year.

If you want to be fleeced, keep buying bottled tap water like Aquafina. Or bottle it yourself. After all, it comes from the same faucet.

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