Check My Records

September 6th, 2007

Go ahead. Check my records. Go online. Go to the CIA website or Interpol or the FAA. See how many times I’ve flown on a commercial or military aircraft. Check to see who fixed my toilet by accessing my checking account. See how many traffic violations I’ve had by going to See how many times I’ve been disciplined for unprofessional conduct in the workplace. Authenticate any drug arrests, or bank robbery convictions by clicking on

The party’s over. The only privacy we can access now is to pay some start-up website $1000 to protect our social security number from showing up on some illegal immigrant’s green card. Everything else is up for grabs.

The state of Florida now operates a website where you can left click to see if you’re kid’s teacher is a convicted felon or worse, a social scofflaw. Unpaid parking tickets, police records, FBI reports, NSA scans. They’re all there for you to peruse at your leisure. Does the teacher in charge of your precocious fifth grader have any DUI arrests or assault and battery charges? Does he or she drown baby kittens? Is that tenured teacher delinquent on taxes or mortgage payments? Do they attend regular religious services or are they atheist terrorists?

It’s all there, courtesy of the state of Florida.

Too bad none of the records of any of the states political bureaucracy aren’t up for grabs. Or financial advisors, or people in charge of our imminent security. Have fun finding that information. But since teachers rank right alongside soap scum in the eyes of the current authoritarian right wing swingers that have taken over the country and ruined it, it all makes perfect sense. Teachers lie and spin and lead us head first into unnecessary wars in the Middle East. They ruin the value of the dollar. They cater to corporate money that funds their excessive lifestyles. And if that’s not enough, every single teacher in America is an unpatriotic commie with a selfish, Bolshevik agenda.

Damn right we’re going to expose these threats to the republic. And we’re going to do it right after we get home. Right after we waste away a six pack, ignore our kids, and rant to anyone who will listen that America is in deep doo and only by wearing uniforms and goose-stepping our way to dominance so that the world will despise us will America return to the true beacon of freedom its legacy demands.

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