The Worst Man on Earth

September 25th, 2007

He wears the same cheap suit that doubles as his uniform. He has the blessing of his nation’s religious leaders who are gasping for breath in the last few years of Iran’s struggle to keep devotion to Islam right out there on the polished glass counter with cell phones, Ipods, and wide screen tv’s. He wants an atomic bomb. And why not. If I ran Iran, I’d have nuclear weapons coming out of my ass. After all, America wants my country’s oil. They want control so the Chinamen don’t start sucking up the world’s oil reserves. Once we control those reserves, we keep the Chinese in check.The speech given by this bearded bonobo at Colombia University had every rube in America up on their hindlegs baying at an Iranian moon they’ve been convinced shines as bright as any threat America has faced since the Constitution was inked. In truth, we’ve demonized this man to justify our intrusion into what is rightfully the property of the Persian people. They have every right to defend their resources. And they have the right to do it with nuclear weapons just as we do. Why is it that fat-assed, over fed American flag fuckers can’t fathom anyone else having nukes except their own self-righteous piece of real property. Give me the reins to run Iran and I’ll have nukes and missiles spread so thick over the desert you won’t be able to glimpse a grain of sand. And I’ll tell you to take your SUV’s and shove them so far up your energy starved ass you’ll need a light saber to dig it out of there. And if you even hint at dropping one of your bombs in my backyard as you did Iraq, I’ll blow your buddy Israel and any other of your mid-eastern sympathizers into the next dimension even if it means I go out in the big bang of mushrooming radioactivity that will make my oil useless to you for the next 8 billion years. In the post-apocolyptic detritus, it’ll warm my heart to know America is now back to staving off wintry cold by heating their homes with cord wood and riding to work on horseback.

The current clown running the Iranian circus of stars is not the raving madman we’ve been led to believe. Give me the keys to the Iranian oil limo and I’ll show you the who the worst man on earth really is.

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