March 29th, 2011

I saw my psychiatrist this morning.Mentally I feel as if I’d been hit by a bus. Sluggish and leaden. Droopy.

I charge it off to the regimen of meds I’ve been taking. Daylight is drudgery for me, as if I’m carrying a massive grey boulder on my back.

He gave me a prescription for Nuvigil. a wakefulness, motivational chemical concoction that costs a fortune but is supposed to be worth every cent. I took one an hour ago and feel better already. My adoration of life has been lifted somewhat even with this single dose. Before I felt burdened and unsure of my ability to pull out of a daylight nose dive.

I’m optimistic. I believe in chemicals that work in tandem with the body’s ability to preserve and enhance its life force. If this chemical does that for me, lifts the low ceiling hovering above me, and brightens my spirit, I’m a believer. I believe everyone should have access to the drugs that work best for our essential self. That lead us to a place more authentic and exciting than the dullness of being coaxed into a constant state of Om without a break from the bleak lobotomy such consistency can eventually induce in a susceptible and anxious mind.

By the way my dreams are sepia toned and seemed cast with the same bold characters night after night. Interesting that I am part of a sequential dream scheme. I’ll keep you posted as events unfold in this odd dreamland I find myself vacationing in during the hours I’m asleep

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