Nazis…Not Nannies

November 29th, 2007

If you live in Massachusetts, someone inside that branch of government housing the KGB has proposed a law be passed to prevent parents from spanking their children, anywhere, anytime. Even in the privacy of your own home.

I’m stunned. And I don’t have children.

I never wanted children. I like them. I just didn’t want them . At the time, fast rides, fun, and absolutely delicious sex made more sense than schlepping down the aisles of Target in search of diapers. I couldn’t spank a child. But I’m not a parent. I don’t know what drives parents to hit their kids but I do know spanking your kids has been going on since we were monkeys in the trees eating leaves.

From my sniper’s advantage as someone who never fathered children, I’ve seen parents explode in my scope like racecars do when they nail the wall at Talledega. Tempers shred. Fiber glass fenders scrape and shriek. Tires bounce off tantrums and tears. Shaken kids crawl into a dark shell and mumble something. Something so horrible as to cause storm clouds to ripple inside the eyes of the desperate parent. A parent hovering on the edge of sanity.

Then comes the hit. It was the comeback, not the crime. It wasn’t the kid running up and down the cereal aisle waving boxes of his sugar coated drug of choice. It was the mouth. The comeback. The rather intelligent and quite well thought out vocal comeback.

The force of the blow is equal to the amount of sarcasm stumbling from the mouth of the disobedient , seriously bent-out-of-shape junior human. The parent, knowing the child well, punishes the pouting little demon with the just the right amount of rage and physical contact. And again, we’ve done this to our offspring since we spent Sundays picking bugs out of each other’s hair.

Don’t let government Nazis, that’s right…Nazis…not Nannies …tell you how you will discipline your children. If you do, millions of us with our brains still intact will leave this country in droves, driving up taxes, making your life miserable.

Assert your right to spank your kids or else you can spank this.


You’ve been warned.

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